I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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