i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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