I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
