i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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