she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
