when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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