I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
