Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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