he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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