My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
