You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
