I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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