guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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