im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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