At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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