my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
