just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
