I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
