maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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