Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's the barista slut.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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