I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
