i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
