I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
