Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
