you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
