Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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