I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize