you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
