My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
