I look better un-naked...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
