First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
