So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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