just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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