Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize