I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize