I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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