The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
