3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
