it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize