Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
