sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize