Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
