so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
