***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
