My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
