Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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