in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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