Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
