In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
