I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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