I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
