I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize