I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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