i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
