Jerry, you need to find god
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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