shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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