went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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