so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
