I want to stick my p in your. b.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize