Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
