That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
