I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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