and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
