it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
