I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
