do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
