Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
