i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
