Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize