so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
