Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
