after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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