After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
