it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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