Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
