I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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