i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
