ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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