he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
