it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We got so high we made milksteak
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
