I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
