I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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