how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
