remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize