I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
