yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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