we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
