i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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