worst night to have a conscience
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
