Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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