Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
