Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
